The West Coast 2.0 - Color of War, The Tank Engine and The Reprise

Continued from here.

I was waiting at the exit. A lot of people were coming out. Suddenly I saw Orso coming towards me. He stopped in front of me for a second, smiled, snatched away my crutches and ran. I ran after him, chasing through all the people.

“I need my crutches. How could he just…. bitch!”

Shortly after, he took a left run into a very narrow alley of old row houses. The road was paved with red bricks. I was losing him. I saw him randomly enter a house at the far end of the street. These houses were mostly brick and plaster with very vivid colors that had now become dull, having been exposed to the weather. I could see traces of rains and storms that had damaged the walls and boundaries. The railings and gates had all become rusty with traces of paint here and there. Grass and weed all around suggested nobody was maintaining these houses. I doubt if anyone even lived there.

I reached the spot where I saw him enter to find an old oak door on a very unfinished orange brick wall. It was the entry to the backyard of a very old house.

“Good that you are here, food is ready,” my mom said stirring something on the stove sitting in the backyard. I was confused. She had moved her full kitchen in open air.

She served me hot rice and dal and went in the house to get something. I was not sure what. I waited for a minute. I needed my crutches as much as I needed to eat. I was starving for home cooked food. And it was right in front of me. I could smell the ghee.

“I would be back in a while” I whispered to myself and ran again.

I had lost track of this guy. I had no clue why was he running away with my crutches. Didn’t he know I need them?

The row houses abruptly ended giving way to a long stretch of abandoned warehouses with a lot of rusted iron pillars, old machines, grass and gravel. I could see Orso running at a distance approaching what seemed like a big group of people circled around something.

I tore across the group and reached for the center looking for Orso but instead I find Sai.

“Where are you man? We need to start shooting?” he screamed at me, really angry. There was a RED camera on a high hat sitting in the center with a girl operating it. There were two actors at a distance doing something. Their faces were not visible.

“Orso is running away with my crutches, I need them back before I can start shooting”

“Are you crazy? You are already running. You will be fine without them. Forget him. We are losing time”

“You don’t understand. I need them” I answered him looking around anxiously for I knew he was hiding somewhere between the people.

Orso appeared again behind all the people. Looked at me, teased me showing the crutches and ran away. I was not letting him go this time. I threw myself on the crowd in an attempt to get past them. But they all began to close in, looking angrily at me. The more I struggled to get past them, the more they pushed me to the center.

And then they just gave one fierce push and I went flying in landing on my cast again…

THUD!!

I opened my eyes with a jolt. I saw the warm amber evening sunlight flooding the room through the small window on my left. It was lighting up a collage of Sai and Nehal (his girlfriend). I remembered it from his room in New York. I also noticed around 50 blue sticky notes neatly aligned on the adjacent wall. I looked around – a lamp on my left with a side table full of random stuff, a big desk on my right purposely kept clean to accommodate my computer which was still packed.

My foot was on three pillows, back to normal size and devoid of any pain. I wiggled my toes – still no pain. There was a pristine calm around. Given the fact I had just woken up after a shitty weird dream, I felt a little dizzy. But everything else seemed fine around me.

“Sai?”

“Hey…wait…I am coming in…” I heard his voice from the other room, probably from the kitchen. He came running in the room.

“How are you now? How’s your foot? Is it okay? You need something?” he threw all the questions at me in one breath. He looked really concerned.

I smiled at him. “Yes, I am much better now. Just hungry but not dying.”

“I can make pasta. You are ok with that?”

“Yeah man, go for it. Anything is fine with me,” I said encouragingly even though half sure of what I just signed up for. But my past experience with Sai’s culinary skills had been good.

A lot of things were different in LA. One of them that hit me eventually was the food situation. Last few days, I had been fed like a little girl would feed a starving puppy. From amazing scrambled eggs and cheese to mouth watering Alfredo pasta and what not. My roommates too cook kickass stuff for usual dinner. I was mentally prepared to let it all go. Or at least I thought I was.

The next thing that was really killing me was jet lag. I was three hours ahead of this place. While usually I work till 3am without a problem, as soon as it would hit midnight here, my brain began to shut down. Given Sai’s day schedule of organizing the shoot and classes, he would only get time at night to talk about the project.

“Let us begin with the shot list?” Sai would ask with a lot of excitement in his eyes.

“Yes. Sure” I would reply with equal enthusiasm but another 10mins and I would pass out.

“Okay, let us do it tomorrow then” the poor guy would leave the room.

Because of my foot, even though I wasn’t doing a lot during the day, I would get tired very easily. I slept a lot during the day and still fell asleep by 11pm-12am. My brain wouldn’t just focus on anything. I could see Sai worried about it.

I had to fight and get back on track. So the next night, I decided to not sleep till I was done with the shot list. We sat outside the apartment. Sai made this ‘herbal tea’ for me to keep me awake. I took a sip and it was close to what Conc. H2SO4 might taste like. I was awake. Fuckin AWAKE! I gave Sai a petrified look.

“Good right? I will make some more. I made extra strong for me. I just put one bag in yours. You want to taste mine?”

In the next two days we finished the shot list and my jet lag got better. My days were pointless and free. Locked in that apartment, I would have only two options – sit by the computer and refresh Facebook feed or lie down and sleep.

Getting food or water from the kitchen was an adventure. The (not so) fun thing about crutches is, you can either walk or carry things. So I would hop to the kitchen where Sai would put the table right next to the kitchen counter, with food on the stove and plate and cutlery on the table. I just had to manage to heat the food, put it in the plate and eat.

But being the hungry hippo I am, just food is never enough. Snacks and sweets have always been one of my favorite things. And having lived with Orso for all this time, well, I was a hippo and pig combined now. I would stuff my pockets with whatever I could find. Muffins, energy bars, cake or chips, a couple of bottles of water and whatever I thought would be useful to survive my hours of loneliness in that room. I would shove it all in my pocket till my pants would almost drop. I would then hop back and put everything on the computer table.

When Sai would come back, there would be a pile of wrappers! I am not saying I was proud of this. The last thing I would do on this earth is to make people clean up after me. But then I had no choice. Funny thing about this was, even though I was eating junk all the time, my weight was going down with every passing day.

None of this food helped me think though. My thought process was very cloudy. I could not think of all the answers to the questions Sai would ask about the film. And with every failure to answer a question, I would hate myself so much. I wanted to take a walk with headphones on. I wanted to just sit somewhere and breathe the fresh air. The room had become my prison now. Those pines I could see from the window didn’t even move much. It was more like a painting on the wall.

On the brighter side of life, Sai had plastic chairs. So we figured out a way for me to take a shower. Absolutely awkward and ridiculous as it may have seemed to anyone who would have seen, it was totally effective. I could sit on the chair and extend my foot out of the shower curtain and place it on the toilet naturally avoiding water to drip towards my foot (Gravity bitches!). My first shower since my injury, roughly a week after, was like I just took a dip in the Ganga. I felt clean, from inside as much as from the outside even though I had to shower from my back.

My first visit to the location was a reality check. It was an old theater. I had to walk to the theatre from the car and by the time I reached the main door, I was exhausted. Walking with the crutches was a really tiring process. The owner was late and we had to wait outside. After ten minutes, I gave up and took a seat in the restaurant next to the theater. I could now feel how difficult my time in the next few days was going to be.

On the other hand, my first meeting with my gaffer, Neil, turned out to be very reassuring. I was convinced that he was going to be an asset. A brief discussion with him and I felt like a cinematographer again. As I talked more to him about the lighting plan, it occurred to me, I actually had not forgotten anything. Like some magic spell, everything began making sense again.

The next thing that helped me a lot in getting my head in the game was the first full costume rehearsal with actors. Meeting with the costume designer, the make-up artist and all the actors, I felt how much excited they were to be part of this project. I could feel their dedication. I was blown away by the amount of work Alison (costume designer) had done on the World War I uniforms.

Even though it is not part of my job description, I have always made good friends with the cast and non-cinematography crew members of the projects I shot. And the warmth and respect I received from the people I met at the rehearsal gave an immense boost to my self-confidence. Sai and me were on the same page during the rehearsals. Finally the punishment of doing the floor plans and shot design with that tea showed seemed helpful. I met John Karbousky, one of my first friends and NYFA mate when I came to NY two years ago. I always remembered him for his exuberance on set. And he had not changed at all.

I was ready to shoot Color of War.

By our first shoot day, I was actually much better at walking with my crutches. The process was still very tiring. But I was slowly gaining more stamina and could go further before stopping and breathing. Not to mention my inability to run around and check every piece of equipment was frustrating me. But I had a good team that communicated well with me during the most boring process of this business – the equipment checkout!

There was no chair. I was so mad. I was at the location for our first shot and there was no chair. I found stairs and parked myself cursing the production for not having a chair when they knew the DoP couldn’t keep standing. I sulked for a while. And then asked myself why was I being such a diva? This was my film and this was exactly what I wanted to do. A chair was not reason enough to get upset. I knew it was a genuine mistake and it would not be repeated. I was never the complaining one. I hated myself a little for that behavior of mine.

“Before we set the dolly, let us find the positions and frames” I head Sai screaming.

Ideally I would get up, pick the camera and fix the frame. I would decide the lenses, mark the dolly positions and give cues to the dolly grip and AC as per the director’s requests. Since this was a very small shoot, we did not take permissions for generators, which meant I had no monitor. I just got up and crutched my way to the set. This was it. And my foot was not an excuse for not doing my job right.

Next few hours, as we took the first shot, I hopped back and forth with the dolly, keeping my eye on the frame. For those few hours, I was walking. I also didn’t care if there was no chair. I didn’t need one anymore. I was looking at the shot Sai and me had dreamt about for months, become reality in front of me. The red wall, the glasses and the flawless costume – Color of War was now taking shape.

I sat in the car and realized what I had been ignorant about for last few hours: my foot and the unbearable pain and swelling it had because of constantly standing for hours. I had to go up the stairs again to get back to the apartment. I was a mess, though only physically. In my head, I was satisfied like never before. We looked at the footage over and over again. We got exactly what we had thought of. I popped in a painkiller. Day one was over, five more to go. My war had just begun. It was a brilliant start.

It is funny how we always take certain things for granted. The ability to walk around is one of them. Once deprived of it, you realize how many things are actually connected with that one ability. The next few days of shoot taught me a very important lesson in life – communication. I have always been the guy who would not waste time in explaining things but would just do things himself to save time. However, when faced with a situation where all I could do was to talk on the walkie and get things done, it dawned on me I needed a lot more vocabulary, precision of language and patience in order to make the crew do what I wanted them to do in the least possible amount of time.

Of course, like every set, some crew members were outstanding in making an effort to understand what I wanted and implement it to my satisfaction (sometimes even better than that) while a couple of others couldn’t handle the fact that a physically unfit guy sitting in a corner was ordering them around. They sometimes misunderstood my politeness for incapability and my silence for lack clarity of thought. They would pop up their suggestions, change things around without telling me and would always argue back refusing to carry out what I wanted them to do. In an ideal scenario I always welcome suggestions. But when pressed against time, I prefer that people trust in my vision and me and play along. So far, I have never been blank on a set. And I still wasn’t.

One of the key factors of Sai and my collaboration is homework. We do our homework extremely well. We know what we are looking for and have very clear expectations from each other. We never discuss anything on the set. I give him the set, lit and ready with the correct frames and he gives me the perfect performances without 24 retakes because of an actor forgetting their lines. And after months of homework and hard work we had put into this project, when people disregarded something I told them because they thought it won’t look good was totally unacceptable to me.

With constant clashes of ideas and confusions, I finally had to give away my politeness and get rough with the smartasses. Sometimes I had to rudely snap people, some other times I had to jump into the middle of the set to take charge of the situation and a couple of times, I had to raise my voice. I even lost my balance and fell twice on the set. Sai freaked out. But everything was eventually fine. My AD and my gaffer were a boon to me. They supported me in everything I wanted and needed to do. But I did understand, that nobody really wants to listen to a guy who can’t even stand without support. It is a weird mind game.

“So where are we shooting?” I asked Sai upon reaching the beautiful green countryside at 7am, our location for the last two days.

“It is a little far from here, I suggest we carry a chair when we take you there. If you get tired, you can sit,” Sai explained me trying his best to not freak me out.

From the roadside, the location was almost 500meters into the woods through bushes, thorns, trenches, stones and sand. You couldn’t even see the spot from there. I could have fainted. There was no way I was making it till the end. I was trying to find possible solutions but nothing seemed to make sense. As much as I was scared to do it, I had to do it.

“Don’t worry. I will take you there” came a voice from behind. It was Tom.

From the day he came back after his vacation, he had been my savior in going up and down the stairs. He was the perfect height to support me and he genuinely wanted to do it. Not that Sai had any trouble doing that. Also, his presence in the apartment broke the monotony of Sai and me talking about the project all the time. We go pretty well with each other. I always found him to be a nice guy. But then I discovered how caring and affectionate he could be.

“Put your arm around my shoulder and feel free to put your weight on me. Just be careful of your foot and take your time. There is no rush. We will make it there”

He gave me the assurance I needed the most at that point. I missed Orso. A lot.

While me and Tom slowly moved through the uneven trenches, often taking longer routes just to avoid very steep slopes, Sai walked ahead of us clearing the way for us. “Wait guys” he would scream every now and then. He would go to a tiny stone and remove it totally ignoring the big rocks around it. Tom and I looked at each other shaking out heads. But then, the gesture was more important to me. He was just trying help.

It was a painful journey. My left arm was hurting half way through and I knew Tom’s shoulder was also giving away. He was almost carrying my full body weight. My right knee is the bad knee and because of all this stress, it was beginning to hurt really badly now. I was scared of it popping again. That would just be the end of my career. Not to forget, escaping all the thorns was impossible. Some would get tangled in my cast; others would just scratch my toes. It was comparatively easier to walk on rocks. But on sand, the crutch would get buried and I would lose my balance. Tom would immediately swing to support me. We would stop every ten minutes to breathe.

It took us around forty minutes to reach shoot location. I wanted to just lie down. We were both exhausted and drenched in sweat. And it was just the beginning. I had to do this three more times in the next 36hours. That was all I could think of. I didn’t want to leave. I would have happily camped there at night just to avoid that terrifying trek. I could have cried at that point.

The rest of the day was not a cakewalk either. The wireless video transmitter kept on losing feed and I lost image on the monitor every now and then. They couldn’t figure it out and I knew if only I could get up and run around, I would find a solution. But alas, I had to trust what everybody was doing and believe the damn thing was faulty. My operator wouldn’t listen to me and would stop responding on the walkie. My AC would take the walkie from him and talk. So I would ask her to tell the operator what needs to be done. Clearly, this was his plan to annoy me. Given my past experience with him, I was not at all surprised.

I pretty much sat at my seat for next 12hours. While all the guys (and even some girls) were relaxed about the fact that they could pee anywhere, I was particularly scared of that because I could not walk anywhere. The little tent they put up on me flew away with every strong gush of wind. People around me would run to make sure it didn’t fall on me. But I couldn’t really do shit about it. Like an idol, I would keep sitting there with my one foot on an apple box.

But again, I was happy with the footage. It looked beautiful and more than me, Sai was happy with what he saw (of whatever he saw in between the frequent misconnections of the transmitter).

It was time to wrap and the fear of going back started looming over me. I seriously did not want to go back. Everything got wrapped and there was just me left in the middle of nowhere sitting on a chair. For ten minutes I was wondering if Sai or Tom remembered that I had to get out or did they seriously like the idea of leaving me there.

“Shall we?” appeared Tom from the bushes. “Let us not include Sai this time. I am sure both of us can manage on our own.”

“Yes, I am sure” I smiled and got up to my feet. It felt so amazingly good to stretch.

The way back was again slow and painful. But not as bad as the first time in the morning. Tom kept me engaged in conversation. We bitched about Sai (we are really good at that). And before I could realize, I was already by the road. I felt a little more confident and could think of coming back the next day.

My foot was swollen, hurting and really dirty from all the sand. I cleaned my toes, took my painkiller and passed out.

Tom probably has over 20 pictures of me sleeping in the car. He woke me up when we were at the location. Having done it twice, I was much more relaxed and confident in going through the whole mess again. I even knew the danger spots and the safe points where I could land my crutch firmly. It took us lesser time now. But was equally tiring for both of us.

My operator had quit last night. He had no ride to come to the shoot and when he requested the producer to arrange for one, the producer blatantly refused to offer any help. I was not sure if I was mad at the producer for doing that to a very crucial crewmember of the shoot or I was happy about the fact that he was no longer on the shoot. I had my plan B. I offered Neil to be my operator and he confidently agreed. Having done such am amazing job so far, I had no doubts about his work.

And he did not disappoint me. Everyone could feel the set moving faster today. My communication with him was fluent and efficient because he not only responded promptly but also understood me beyond my words. He had been an amazing gaffer so far. He would always stand by me no matter what to be able to listen to what I had to say. Never did I have to look for him. It really made my life easier. I owe this film to his efficiency because his efficiency reflected as my efficiency to everyone.

The day was long and complex but was one of the smoothest one we had so far. We got all the shots we needed including the ones that had special make-up effects. The wireless monitor too was responding. I figured it was the tree in-between that was the culprit for the loss of signal. I was seated at the different spot now. And I had a clear view of the camera and the set.

“And that’s a wrap!” I heard Sai screaming at a distance. Everything froze for me.

I remembered saying goodbye to Orso at the airport, scared of what was coming my way. I remembered all my worries of not being able to deliver because of physical limitations and the mental block I had. And there I was, done with shooting Color of War. Almost, if not exactly, as I had thought the film would look like.

“You know Tom. Remember how I always mocked you as Thomas the Tank Engine? I don’t know if you noticed but you did actually become my tank engine. “ I told Tom on our way out of the set, for the last fuckin time.

He laughed for the rest of the way. He really liked the thought. We of course bitched about Sai again. But neither of us felt tired. Or maybe we did but we didn’t care anymore. It was really strange to think but I had kind of started to enjoy this little ride. I was going to miss it. I am sure Tom would not.

Everyone took pictures, hugged each other goodbye and congratulated me on the brilliant work. I thanked all my crew members for their work. But in my head, a new thought had just popped up. In a normal situation, if asked, I would refuse to walk through that path on one foot. Because I always thought I was not strong enough to do that shit. And standing there, having done it four times, I felt I underestimated my own strength. I was fine. I didn’t die. Nor did I fall and break more bones. I just managed fine. I needed no chair, no stretcher nothing. It was another very important lesson for me in life. I had just acquired a whole new perspective.

My condition was temporary. Today as I am writing this, I have already removed my cast and I am resuming walking. In a few days, I would be a normal walking human again. But I couldn’t help but think of all those people who have to face all these miseries daily and nothing would change for the rest of their lives. I already found myself more sensitive to everyone who had any kind of disability and was fighting with it, living his or her life at par with the ones gifted with a healthy body. I was already humbled and had immense respect for all the people I had seen dragging themselves in the train or on the streets, to work, like everything was fine and normal. People applauded my patience and strength. But to me, it seemed nothing when compared to the ones who don’t even have a bear or a tank engine to help them in their journey. And yet, they don’t give up.

My war was over. But for millions of others, it will continue till they live. And everyday they emerge victorious. I salute each and every one of those fighters around the world.

I felt grateful to everyone who had made even the smallest gesture to help me, support me and cheer me up. Sai had been extremely patient with my mood swings. Tom had done everything he could to make sure I was safe and sound. I could see respect amongst all my crewmembers (even the ones who were indifferent in the beginning). And of course, my beloved bear, Orso, who had been my constant moral support all these days on phone listening (actually reading) all my rants and bitching, giving me hope and strength to keep fighting and going on. He would call regularly just to make sure I sound fine. I missed him. I wanted to hug him and thank him.

The next ten days were easier because I decided to edit the film. Instead of pointlessly wandering around the house and scrolling through stupid Facebook feed, I was now making my way through the edit, which, was one of my favorite things. Sai was always supportive of the idea of me editing it. Even though we had planned we won’t but at that point, it only seemed sensible.

As the day to get back to New York came closer, I got more and more excited to meet Orso again. I was supposed to edit Favorite Things with him and the very idea was so much fun to think about. And now that I was much better with my foot, more independent and confident, I felt much better about the whole travel back.

We left for the airport on time but there was horrible traffic on the highway. I was getting really impatient, as I did not know what would I do if I missed the flight. I didn’t want to stay back as I had a lot of things planned back in New York.

“Where does all this traffic come from? I mean this is a highway, there are no signals so why is everyone NOT MOVING?” I asked Tom like frustrated little kid.

Sai and Tom were both amazed at this question.

“I don’t have answer to that Himanshu. There are just too many people on the highway, it is rush hour.” I tried his best to be patient. I knew that was a stupid question. And I regretted saying it out loud. Of course I knew the answer. And I knew it was no one’s fault. Let us just say I am not very proud of that question.

I did miss my flight. But luckily I got the next one and I was just in time to catch that one. I bid goodbye to my tank engine. I felt strange because I was not sure when was I going to see him next. I was sure going to miss our conversations. I wasn’t much worried about Sai because we were going to meet in India in a few months.

BEEEEEEEEEEEP!

“I am sorry. But the machine beeped!” told the security personnel.

NO SHIT SHERLOCK!

“So?”

“So we will have to thoroughly frisk you again. This machine checks for explosives and other chemical residue. And your palm didn’t clear the test. It may be medicines because you have an injury. Or it could be false alarm. I will have to call my senior and he would do the frisking”

Brilliant. This was exactly what I was looking for. I missed my flight due to traffic and I would miss this one because of security check. The senior officer took me in a small room nearby. He made me stand and ran his hands over my body multiple times. It felt weird because he seriously firmly frisked my body. All of it.

“Sorry man. I won’t be able to meet you at the airport. But I will meet you tomorrow for sure.” I got Orso’s text. I still sent him my flight details. Something told he would come to the airport and this was all just a joke. He and his entire family were reaching New York the same day as I was supposed to reach. I had anyway asked Sameer to meet me at the airport because I wasn’t sure if Orso would be able to make it. Although now I knew he had had landed and I was sure he would come.

I made it fine to the flight. I had a middle aged couple sitting next to me who were very friendly and kept me engaged in conversation all throughout my flight. She laughed really loudly at all of my jokes. As much as I was enjoying the appreciation for my average sense of humor, her extremely loud laughter was drawing a lot of unwanted attention from fellow passengers and thus, I decided to keep shut.

At JFK, I saw the friendly smiling bearded guy wearing his favorite white batman t-shirt – Sameer. I hugged him. I was genuinely happy to see him. I was so happy to be back. It was like coming back home even though I knew this was not my home anymore. I was soon going to leave it. Orso did not come to airport. Of course I knew it and I didn’t feel disappointed. I just laughed at my own stupidity.

As me and Sameer got out of the airport, one taxi driver came by and said, “Where would you go sir? Jersey City?” he was talking in Hindi. I asked him about Newport.

“$300!”

“No. Sorry, not happening.”

“Come on sir. Come here.” We heard another guy shouting in Hindi.

“Okay 90. That is the standard rate sir. Let us go!” promptly said the cab guy, grabbing my luggage.

I agreed. Sameer and I had the same thought. Did we just have a déjà vu? This was exactly like any Indian Railway station or airport. I couldn’t believe I just bargained my way home in Hindi in New York.

“How was LA sir ji?” asked Sameer in cab.

“I don’t like LA. And you wouldn’t like it too!”

“What? Why? Is there any specific reason for not liking it?”

“Well, the reason I am going to say is good enough for you to hate LA. There are no Delis”

“Shit. I hate LA. Why would anybody go there? I would die of hunger! NO DELIS?”

We laughed as I saw the bright twinkling Empire State building from my window.

You can look at more pictures from the set of color of war here.