Haldi!

This one is a short one but KILLER!!
Hunger had finally crossed all limits. I and Akshat looked at each other. I could see the poor kid starving. I decided I would cook some dal fry and rice for both of us. Delighted by the plan, he offered me company while I prepared our dinner. Engrossed in conversation, I washed the dal, put it in pressure cooker, poured water and opened the masala dubba for haldi (turmeric) when out of nowhere I heard a scream
“Naaaaaahhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii” he sprang towards me.
I was shocked. I just stopped saving myself from spilling all the haldi. As it is, it wasn’t enough and I knew there was no point in buying more since we were leaving for vacations that night.
“Aap dal mein haldi kyon daal rahe ho? Chhhiiiiiiii!! Haldi ka taste kitna bura hota hai! Imagine puri dal haldi ki tarah taste karegi! Kya bhaiya? Koi dal mein haldi daalta hai kya? Maana ki aap khana banaate ho aur experiments bhi karte ho but yeh kuch zyada ho gaya. Please haldi valdi mat daalo. I want my dal just like the usual yellow dal!”
Ok! Apart from being totally taken aback and spellbound, I was outraged at the dramatization of the whole point.
Controlling my emotions (yes, a plethora of them were boiling inside me at this point) I humbly asked “Tumhe kya lagta hai ki tumhari ‘usual’ dal YELLOW kaise hoti hai?”
“Arey dal to yellow hoti hi hai, usme kya hai. Haldi thode na daalni padti hai…kya bhaiya?” pat came his reply looking superbly confident and offended by my question.
Well, I had the following options at my bay at that moment to deal with the situation –
1. (The most obvious one) Use an appropriate tool like the lid of the cooker, frying pan or even the long serving spoon for that matter and give one tight CLANK! Issue resolved!
2. Cook food only for myself, and keep him starving while I ate in front of him.
3. Cook exactly as he suggested. (Since I had to eat as well, I decided against this one).
4. Throw him out of the house! (Yeh thoda zyada ho jata, I agree).
5. Ignore him and continue cooking for the greater common good (however, this wasn’t so easy).
I asked him to immediately call his mother and talk.
“Mummy…achha ek baat batao, kahin dal mein haldi padti hai?…..kya?…achha!…oh..ok…nahi..kuch nahi hua….”
I snatched the phone from him.
“Aunty yeh kitne saal ka hai?”
“19! kyon?”
“Abhi tak yeh kya khata tha? ” (Felt like adding ‘doodh roti?’ but didn’t mean to be rude)
“Arey beta kuch nahi aata use, tum hi sikha do kuch!”
I disconnected the call and gave him the phone. Quietly he left the kitchen. I must add here, Akshat looked so innocent and cute that my anger just went puff! I love you my bro! It happens don’t worry!
To everyone who has been gobbling food ignoring what is in that food, please wake up!

Where’s my fault in this…

I am describing two incidents that happened with me sometime back and I still can’t forget them. Don’t worry, they don’t have anything to do with ghosts or dreams. Just read and laugh!

“Platform kramank ek var aaleli local paanch baaju saat minitanchi borivali kareeta dheemi local aahe. Eei local sarv sthankan var thaambe”

I was with Eva and Chaitra. Eva was talking to her sister on phone who happens to be my good friend too.

“Himanshu, Garima wants to talk to you”

She flipped the phone to me.

“Hi bhaiya, kaise ho aap?”

“Main ekdum theek hun! Tum kaisi ho?”

“Arey aaj main bahut khush hun!”

“Kyon kya hua?”

Train ramming away from the platform with its usual loud electric humm. Not to mention the numerous laughs, howls and talks of the people on the train.

“Aaj meri behen ka pachka hua”

Now garima always shared such things with me when her sister, Eva, made a fool of herself. We laughed our lungs out. I assumed it was again something funny.

“Hain?? Kaise hua?” something in my head told me DUDE! SOMETHING IS WRONG!!

“KYAAAAA????? ” she asked me sounding utterly disgusted.

I was puzzled. Huh? What was so disgusting in that? All she told me was…aaj meri behen ka…..OMG!! WHAT THE F***!

“Oh sorry….i m so sorry. I thought you said pachka. Teri behen ko bachcha hua. That’s great. Kaun si behen?”

“Arey woh meri mausi ki ladki hain na, use. Itna pyaara sa hai, aap dekhoge to dekhte reh jaoge.”

Inside. I was dying of laughter. WHAT DID I JUST ASK!!

I mean just imagine –

“Meri behen ko bachcha hua hai!”

“KAISE??”

Oh Man…I couldn’t handle it. We started laughing out loudly. Eva turned her head towards me. Till now she was busy talking to Chaitra so had no clue. I gave the phone to eva who then listened carefully as her sister narrated the incident to her. And there she went…laughing out crazily. Very soon, everyone was laughing. Well, I know. It happens (I had to tell myself something yaar!).

————————————————————————————————-

I paid Rs. 25 to the auto driver and rushed inside Poptates Malad. It was Snehal’s birthday party celebration. Snehal’s brother had come with his girlfriend. I am straight away cutting to the conversation skipping the happy birthday wishes, cake and the usual party stuff…

“So Jayesh, Heena ke baare mein aunty uncle ko kab bata rahe ho?”

Both of them smiled, blushed a little and looked at each other. My God! These filmy couples I tell you. Suddenly, my phone beeped. I checked it. It was some long but stupid message. I deleted it instantly and raised my head to resume the conversation.

“31st January”

“What?? Why 31st jan??…..Why? Why only that particular date?? Why not 10th January since it is your birthday Jayesh…” I replied instantly realizing it was only october.

Everybody was looking at me as if I said something illegal. I thought WHAT?? WHY THAT LOOK??

“Himanshu, her birthday is 31st January!!”

“Oh sorry, I thought that was the day he has decided to make her meet his parents.”

“He already answered that Himanshu, he has not thought about it!” snapped Sheric.

I went quite. How am I supposed to know that. I didn’t hear Snehal asking that question.

Then a roar of laughter went on. They all laughed out like crazy. I was feeling Ouch! I again managed to do something that stupid. It was fun when I think of it now.