Yes! I did it again!

Read this before reading the following post (if you have not already read it).

It was some day in August 2008. I was working in AnimationXpress as Design Head for their upcoming event AFF. Chaitra, Vidhi and I decided to go to Pop Tates for dinner after a really hectic day. Reaching there, we found a queue waiting and we were no. 6 or something. We were asked to wait for 15 mins. I and Chaitra resumed our conversation (we were in some very animated discussion, can’t remember the subject as of now) while Vidhi moved away to buy a fag. Right next to where we were standing was a chaat vendor surrounded by a gang of ladies loudly chattering while crunching pani puri. I always loved pani puri you see.

After something like 5mins or so I turned to find Vidhi gulping down pani puri. While talking to Chaitra I swiftly moved towards her and grabbed the puri she was about to gobble.

Akele akele kha rahi hai motu? (Having it all alone, fato!)” I said opening my mouth wide.

 Just as the superbly awesome crunchy mouth watering pani puri was halfway through my mouth I noticed a lady staring at me with immense disgust and hatred. Her eyes told me she was hitting me left right and center in her mind at that moment. A punch on the right cheek, one in the eye, one in the tummy, elbow on my back and that one final kick. BAM!

Next came the sudden hard hitting realization. THAT WAS NOT VIDHI! I saw Vidhi right behind that lady, at a distance, smoking and looking at me with Don’t-tell-me-you-did-that look.

I froze! Time had just stopped. The chatter faded. Everybody was quiet, fully concentrating on what just happened. I wasn’t able to decide if I should eat it or put it back at her plate. To my horror, I saw Chaitra on my left witnessing what just happened.

Itna hi mann tha pani puri khaane ka to mujhe bol deta, main khila deti, logon ki plate se mat chheen Himanshu”  she barked (yes! Bitch was what came to my mind at that moment!). Exactly what I was looking for, support of a friend. I could feel the blood circulation on my face. It was getting hot.

The lady smiled realizing what just happened and said “Eat it. Its ok. It happens.” I still didn’t gulp it. Was holding right there halfway in my mouth. “Arey kha lo, koi baat nahi, I will take another one” she insisted. I pushed that pani puri inside my mouth with all my strength (Trust me, it took a lot of it) and then I chewed and chewed. It was not tasting how it should. Referring to an episode of FRIENDS,  like Phoebe’s shoes, every crunch was sounding in my ears “Not mine Not mine” and if I would try to chew faster I would hear “Not not mine not not mine”. I swallowed!

I apologized to her. Smiling even more widely she said, “Its perfectly alright. It happens. Don’t worry, carry on”. I offered to pay but she completely refused.

“Guys, you can come in!” called the restaurant guy. I could have kissed him! I so needed that escape.  Embarrassed like never before I began walking towards the restaurant. I could hear giggles, laughs and comments from my back. No way I had done that to my self!

Vidhi and Chaitra had transformed into dementors sucking on to this dark incident and rubbing it in again and again. They had just swallowed all the happiness, hope and light from me. Everyone in that restaurant who laughed, I thought was just told about that incident by the waiter. Even the order looked like it wasn’t what I had ordered.

Kha le Himanshu, yeh tera hi hai!” giggled Chaitra and Vidhi raising a toast to yet another milestone in idiocy just erected by me.

For the rest of the evening, I couldn’t help but think of that incident again and again. I hated Vidhi for wearing that Black top of hers and tying her hair in her typical high jooda style. That was what had confused me since that lady was like the body double of Vidhi planted to fool me. It took me days to completely overcome this one.

Even though its been quite long now, the memories are still as fresh in my mind as the smell of pani puri.

Where’s my fault in this…

I am describing two incidents that happened with me sometime back and I still can’t forget them. Don’t worry, they don’t have anything to do with ghosts or dreams. Just read and laugh!

“Platform kramank ek var aaleli local paanch baaju saat minitanchi borivali kareeta dheemi local aahe. Eei local sarv sthankan var thaambe”

I was with Eva and Chaitra. Eva was talking to her sister on phone who happens to be my good friend too.

“Himanshu, Garima wants to talk to you”

She flipped the phone to me.

“Hi bhaiya, kaise ho aap?”

“Main ekdum theek hun! Tum kaisi ho?”

“Arey aaj main bahut khush hun!”

“Kyon kya hua?”

Train ramming away from the platform with its usual loud electric humm. Not to mention the numerous laughs, howls and talks of the people on the train.

“Aaj meri behen ka pachka hua”

Now garima always shared such things with me when her sister, Eva, made a fool of herself. We laughed our lungs out. I assumed it was again something funny.

“Hain?? Kaise hua?” something in my head told me DUDE! SOMETHING IS WRONG!!

“KYAAAAA????? ” she asked me sounding utterly disgusted.

I was puzzled. Huh? What was so disgusting in that? All she told me was…aaj meri behen ka…..OMG!! WHAT THE F***!

“Oh sorry….i m so sorry. I thought you said pachka. Teri behen ko bachcha hua. That’s great. Kaun si behen?”

“Arey woh meri mausi ki ladki hain na, use. Itna pyaara sa hai, aap dekhoge to dekhte reh jaoge.”

Inside. I was dying of laughter. WHAT DID I JUST ASK!!

I mean just imagine –

“Meri behen ko bachcha hua hai!”

“KAISE??”

Oh Man…I couldn’t handle it. We started laughing out loudly. Eva turned her head towards me. Till now she was busy talking to Chaitra so had no clue. I gave the phone to eva who then listened carefully as her sister narrated the incident to her. And there she went…laughing out crazily. Very soon, everyone was laughing. Well, I know. It happens (I had to tell myself something yaar!).

————————————————————————————————-

I paid Rs. 25 to the auto driver and rushed inside Poptates Malad. It was Snehal’s birthday party celebration. Snehal’s brother had come with his girlfriend. I am straight away cutting to the conversation skipping the happy birthday wishes, cake and the usual party stuff…

“So Jayesh, Heena ke baare mein aunty uncle ko kab bata rahe ho?”

Both of them smiled, blushed a little and looked at each other. My God! These filmy couples I tell you. Suddenly, my phone beeped. I checked it. It was some long but stupid message. I deleted it instantly and raised my head to resume the conversation.

“31st January”

“What?? Why 31st jan??…..Why? Why only that particular date?? Why not 10th January since it is your birthday Jayesh…” I replied instantly realizing it was only october.

Everybody was looking at me as if I said something illegal. I thought WHAT?? WHY THAT LOOK??

“Himanshu, her birthday is 31st January!!”

“Oh sorry, I thought that was the day he has decided to make her meet his parents.”

“He already answered that Himanshu, he has not thought about it!” snapped Sheric.

I went quite. How am I supposed to know that. I didn’t hear Snehal asking that question.

Then a roar of laughter went on. They all laughed out like crazy. I was feeling Ouch! I again managed to do something that stupid. It was fun when I think of it now.